You don't know what you have until it's gone

Ox's work is a little different than his kin's.

Ox has recently restarted work after a bit of a lapse in employment.  Actually, not so much a lapse, but a seasonal gig that has yet to become full-time is what he does for work.


He's had this gig since we started dating and I've always been a bit leery of the whole - I work sometimes and I don't sometimes.

He always has side-jobs he can do when he's not employed by his employer...however, it just didn't feel "right" to me for him to not have a full-time job.  I mean, how do I explain that?  How is he ever  going to "get" anywhere or move forward without a full-time job?!

Yeah, I was/am a bit of a stinker.

I mean, who am I to say that I'm doing the right thing by working 9-5 at a full-time job?  Ox is always up-to-date on our joint budget.  It's not like I'm supporting him, so how is it even up to me to say anything about this?!?

I guess, I just was afraid.  I was afraid that he'd turn into someone I didn't know, or worse someone I do know that I'm not too impressed by and consistently not be employed or able to support himself.

So, basically, I was worrying about the future -- which is a total mystery.

To quote one of my favorite movie characters - Oogway, the master turtle in Kung Fu Panda, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today...is a gift.  That's why it is called "the present."

Sure, sure, sure.  It's a cartoon turtle.  But he's a wise old dude.

While I've known this and tried to practice it.  Ox going back to work clearly defines WHY this quote is so important.

Sure, while Ox isn't working as much we aren't in a position to do as many "fun" things.  BUT he's home.  He's there when I get home from work and he's there when I wake up.  We can do anything we want on Friday nights since he's not working late and he's not sore and tired from physical labor all day.

These beautiful days are simple and wonderful and I'm certain that I will miss them while he is away at work.

So, I'm posting this now - to remind myself when I start getting anxious and start laying on all my personal "shoulds."

The fact remains that so often we know what to do to move our lives forward, to break the cycles, we simply forget the pain we endure by not doing so in good moments and then lose focus and lapse back into our destructive behavior.

So this is my pledge to myself and to you dear reader, I will remember...I will grow.

I hope you do too.